I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
