I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize