What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
