Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
