4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
