Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Randomize
