I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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