By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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