the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
