I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
