im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize