ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
