I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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