New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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