New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
