the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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