I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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