Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
