Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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