First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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