My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have aggressive nipples.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
