the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
