I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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