my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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