You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
