first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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