they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
