you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
