Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
