i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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