smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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