My friends, they love my intelligence
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
