Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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