My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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