If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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