You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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