I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
