dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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