All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
