I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
