Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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