Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize