I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
