your room smells of hookers.
And success
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
