i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
