remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
