I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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