i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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