rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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