I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
