Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
