ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
