so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You were trust falling into bushes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
