I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
