Im at strip club and am horny
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize