if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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