I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
