My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
