I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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