I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
