I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
