I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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