Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
