There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
