i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
