I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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